Alcohol-infused · Non-textile

Why I’m not the most confident person

I have a constant longing of being unique, battling with the constant need of fitting in.

My two sides are forever at war with each other.

On one hand I wish to be known by my own values. To be individual to anyone else. I like the things that I do or ways that I think that make me different to everyone else. And in the same way I enjoy these things about my friends. Being normal or average sounds like the most boring thing I can think of.

On the flip side I like the idea of being part of a gang. A cohesive unit. Together for one purpose. United by something. A group of people who will always band together, no matter the trials or people they face. Where I am indistinguishable from anyone else in the group because we fit so seamlessly together.

I think that a lot of the time this is what makes my own thoughts or ideals seem unstable. Though in my mind I know what I want or feel, I want to please both sides of me. Not to say that I will do or say anything I don’t believe is right, I have experience enough in my life by this point to be sure in myself. Just that my ideals can be flexible, depending on which side I am feeling more like at the time. Also that I am an open-minded person. I don’t have a set opinion on many issues because I don’t see the world in black and white. In the end what is the point of having my opinion on all matters political, social or economical. I know that I will never be made master of the Earth, so my desires wont ever come to fruition. No matter how logical or effective they may be. Our world is made up of so many different people, fulfilling their own thoughts on how it should be. All of their opinions are just as valid as mine, no matter  how certain they are in them.

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